When I first I came to Vietnam I had little knowledge about the place. I never thought that I would settle down here until, one day, I fell in love with a Vietnamese girl.
I had already lived in Taiwan for 4 years prior to arriving in Vietnam. However, Vietnam is different from other Asian countries and I have had to adapt to many things. I especially had to learn the way of the Vietnamese family, which is still very traditional.
I still remember the day I met the parents of my then girlfriend. As a foreigner I needed to be conscious of the way I acted and carefully answered millions of questions from her parents. After that meeting, I called up my father and told him: “Dad, now I know how you and mom dated!”
Luckily everything went smoothly and we have now been married for a year. I have been eating like a Vietnamese since then: noodle soup for breakfast and rice for dinner. My wife always packs me a lunchbox to bring to work. Even though she does not say much, I can feel the love she has for me. Discreetness and felinity are the characteristics of Vietnamese women that I love the most.
I have also grown accustomed to giving my salary to my wife. Whenever I go out drinking with friends (“di nhau”), I ask her for pocket money. Back in Australia, where I am from, my dad seems to control everything: He earns the money and manages family finances.
In Vietnam, the husband often earns while the wife controls the money. The woman has an important role in the family and she helps take a burden off the man’ shoulder.
Vietnamese emphasize the importance of family in their life. Hence, my wife and I visit her parents three times a week. There was a time when my wife was sick and we stayed with her family for 6 months. It was not easy for a foreigner like me, who comes from a culture which values individual privacy and where married couples usually live far away from their parents. However, I learned about the close knit that exists among members of Vietnamese families always supporting each other during difficult times.
Chris and his wife Tam
Marrying someone from another culture forces you to reconsider your way of thinking. One thing with which I still struggle is that Vietnamese parents often retain their power and have too much control over their children. No matter how much they have grown, children always remain children and do not have much independence from their parents. In my culture, once you turn 18, you become your parents’ friend and have the right to decide everything on your own.
My wife and I plan on staying in Vietnam for a long time. We also plan on educating our children, once we have them, both the Australian and Vietnamese way because each culture has its good values.
Christopher James
(Australian, English teacher)
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