Visitors who come to Hanoi in November and December may be surprised and charmed by the sight of so many brides and grooms posing in their finery around Hoan Kiem Lake and the Metropole Hotel. On a few occasions, I’ve spotted four, five and even six couples at the same time using the city’s postcard angles as a backdrop for their matrimonial memories.

Winter is the wedding season in Vietnam, lest the couples wilt in the heat. But amid these celebrations of love and commitment there is now a curious effort to add some old-school central planning to Hanoi nuptials.

According to draft instructions issued by the Hanoi Communist Party Committee, government officials and Party members will be required to limit the number of guests at wedding banquets to 300 and the number of food trays to 50. The purpose, as Tuoi Tre reported, is for “continuing the civilized lifestyle in weddings in the city.”

This proposal was presented by the Hanoi Party Standing Committee for discussion among officials on Friday (September 28). The draft instructions stated that officials and Party members “must be exemplary and throw wedding parties for their family members or for themselves ‘in the spirit of solemnity, wholesomeness, thriftiness.’”

It acknowledged an exception: “If two in-law families hold the wedding party together, no more than 600 people are to be invited. Moreover, they are not to hold the party many times, for many days, or to feast in luxury places like 5-star hotels or high-grade resorts.” (Three hundred seems plenty big to me, but 600…egad!)

The ban on 5-star venues seems to reflect growing sensitivity over widening disparity of incomes. “Because there will be low and average income earners at the party, if it is held in 5-star hotels, such [poor] people will be confused about how much they are supposed to chip in,” a city Party leader explained.

The proposed rules, obviously, are intended to discourage officials and Party members who might be prone to use their positions to exploit the nuptials as a means for profiteering. Vietnamese tradition holds that the guests provide cash gifts that substantially defray the cost of the celebration itself. So if you provide food for 300 people, but invite 400, you should come out ahead.

In other countries, would some sort of central authority be expected to lay down such laws around wedding banquets? I don’t think so. Social customs are self-enforcing. An American pal once sent a thank you-note that said, “Thank you for the beautiful check.”

I learned a little bit about Vietnamese weddings from my own back in California’s Little Saigon. As the underwriter of the festivities, I had set what I considered a reasonable budget while hoping to save money for a down payment on our house. Like good yuppies, we registered at Macy’s and Crate & Barrel, providing an easy means for our non-Vietnamese guests to buy plates, place settings, and glassware. My bride assured me that the Vietnamese guests – a majority of the 200+ who were invited – would provide up to US$100 a couple to help cover the cost.

We quickly blasted through my budget, more than doubling the amount as I caved in to my bride’s desire for a nine-course meal, a good band and ample booze. As party favors, we ordered custom fortune cookies, with such messages as, “You have exquisite taste in friends!” During the reception, we changed from our Western wedding ensembles into formal ao dais. Even though we forgot to distribute the cookies, and even though my ao dai made me look three months pregnant, the verdict was clear: our wedding rocked.

And when my bride and I retired for the night, when we were finally alone in our honeymoon suite, we opened the envelopes from the Vietnamese guests. Score! To my surprise, the cash covered the overrun in my budget. Isn’t that romantic?

So I can understand how Vietnamese authorities without scruple might try to turn a profit on a wedding. On the other hand, the Vietnamese are wary and known for their blunt ways. They seem quite capable of policing the situation.

As Tuoi Tre reported, Ha Dong district once had a regulation forbidding officials from having more that 40 trays. “This has led to many embarrassing situations where some guests deliberately counted the trays to see if the organizers violated the law or not, badly affecting the mood of the party,” a Party official in another district explained.

So as we raise a figurative toast to all the future brides and grooms out there, let us also keep in mind the Hanoi officials and Party members, now explicitly forewarned, who will henceforth be hosting weddings with more “solemnity, wholesomeness, thriftiness” – but less awkwardness and profit.