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Clandestine world of sugar dating in Vietnam — Part 2: Different shades of sugar daddies

Clandestine world of sugar dating in Vietnam — Part 2: Different shades of sugar daddies

Tuesday, August 25, 2020, 15:29 GMT+7
Clandestine world of sugar dating in Vietnam — Part 2: Different shades of sugar daddies
A Tuoi Tre (Youth) newspaper reporter (right) disguised as a sugar baby hopeful is seen discussing relationship details with a sugar daddy candidate whom she got in contact from a secret Facebook group. Photo: T.M. / Tuoi Tre

An undercover reporter makes a foray into the sugar dating scene in Hanoi in this exclusive serial exposé by Tuoi Tre (Youth) newspaper. 

>> Part 1: Search for new flame

Sadism seeker

Using the disguise of a sugar baby searching for a benefactor, the reporter received dozens of offers from sugar daddy candidates. 

“Do you handle pain well?” Tran Minh Thanh, whose name has been changed for this article, said to his ‘date,’ whom he found on Tinder, a popular dating app, as he fidgeted with his wine glass.

Thanh claimed to be the chief executive officer of a video game development company, which has a huge project with a Singapore-based partner underway.

“Looking for a sugar baby under 22 years old, experienced in intimate stuff, VND25 million [US$1,080] of monthly allowance,” his Tinder profile wrote in a straightforward manner.

After ‘swiping right’ — a finger gesture to express interest in people's profiles on Tinder — on each other, Thanh and the Tuoi Tre reporter engaged in a conversation that led quickly to an in-person date.

He arrived to the date in a dashing semi-formal outfit. A car key dangling on his keychain completed the look of a nouveau riche, middle-class man.

“Again, do you handle pain well?” he repeated.

He explained that the sugar-baby-to-be was expected to join him in BDSM practices — which stands for bondage-discipline, dominance-submission, and sadism-masochism, a spectrum of sexual activities that include pain, physical restraints, and unequal power relationships. 

Thanh is about to marry his girlfriend of five years, but does not want to perform the pain-inducing practices with her. To gratify the deep, kinky desire, he opted to find a BDSM partner outside of his relationship. 

“I’ll leave space for you to decide, I would not pressure you since this is a win-win situation: you gain money, I gain pleasure. I know this would hurt a lot physically, which is why I am compensating you VND25 million per month, not to mention a rewarding tip if you perform well,” he assured.

A sweet transaction

Just as upfront with his intentions is Ho Minh Bang, whose name has also been changed to maintain confidentiality, a 49-year-old with a wife and two kids.

He is also an active member of a secret sugar dating community on Facebook. 

Prior to their meeting, the prospective sugar daddy detailed his qualifications for a sugar baby in a Facebook post: “Aged 18 to 22, light skin, height above 160cm, must be a university student, obedient, disciplined and is able to keep a secret.”

After getting in touch with the Tuoi Tre reporter, he set up a meeting at a bar on Lac Chinh Street, Hanoi. 

When asked about his urge for extramarital flings, Bang gradually unfolded the details of his sex life.

His wife is entering perimenopause at 53 and no longer has an appetite for sex, yet his libido is still functioning.

The fact that faithful marriage no longer provides him with sexual gratification led him down new paths to quench the ‘beast’ inside. 

In addition to that, he also needs a companion whom he can bring to alcohol-laden feasts with business partners.

He topped off each activity listed with a money reward, which will be entitled to his sugar baby as long as she is “obedient and knows their place.”

In a prior text message correspondence with the Tuoi Tre reporter, Hai said each sugar baby would get VND4 million ($172) per meeting.

Each of his sexual rendezvous requires at least 3-4 sugar babies to satisfy his potency, Hai added. 

Staying true to his businessman ethos, Bang pulled out a prepared contract with legally binding responsibility for the sugar baby: anticipating calls and text correspondence with the provider is prohibited while engagement in any other love affair or sugaring liaison is not allowed either.

Other terms mention the exclusion of condoms during sexual intercourse and the conferral of contraception responsibilities and the liability in case of pregnancy entirely on the sugar baby.

On the other hand, the sugar daddy is liable to provide VND4 million per month for his sugar baby to set up two meetings per week.

If the relationship sustains, the sugar baby would get help from her provider to start a small business for herself after graduating from university. 

Coming in multiple shades 

Next on the list of sugar dating hopefuls encountered by the Tuoi Tre correspondent is Quang Phong, a middle-aged man in Hanoi. 

After getting in touch through the sugar daddy-baby Facebook group, he took no time to rope the undercover reporter into a real-life meeting at a pub in Ba Dinh District of the capital city. 

During conversations, Phong made it known that he is in the sugar dating scene only to find someone to talk to. 

“I just went through a divorce a few months ago. The loneliness is tormenting me, so I’m looking for people who I can vent my feelings with,” Phong said. 

After the divorce, he found it hard to open up to people around him. The sugar dating dynamic hence seems to be the optimal choice for his situation, as he can get quality time from eloquent people for a price he can afford. 

Primarily, he seeks company from university students who are educated and adept at conversation. Sex, while not being the ultimate criterion, is not totally ruled out from Phong’s vision of a sugaring relationship. 

Talking of past sugaring attempts, Phong did not see any longevity as he found all women he has met to be 'shallow.'

Other sugaring candidates do not share the tactful approach that Phong chose as they use vulgar and profane language as soon as possible, right from the first date.

Nam, a man described as ‘rude’ by your correspondent, asked her about public sex and even spoke of peeking at her bosoms in their very first encounter.

Prospective sugar daddies show up at dates in different manners. Some drive luxury cars and don formal clothing to the appointment, while others blend in with meager, even poor-looking outfits. 

Nevertheless, they all promise a great amount of monthly compensation to talk sugar babies into joining them and providing a myriad of services they desire.

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Xuan Tung - Mai Thuong / Tuoi Tre News


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