"As a man, you must prove that you are worthy of being a man," this traditional norm has caused many problems for many male generations in Vietnam.

It is no surprise to hear the opinion of Dr. Khuat Thu Hong, director of the Institute for Social Development Studies (ISDS), who said that the stereotype of being a true man has put a lot of pressure on Vietnamese masculinity for years.

Self-imposed and socially imposed standards

Dr. Hong pointed out that in a recent ISDS study based on a sample size of 2,567 men aged 18 to 64, the most preferred stereotype of a man included 23 criteria, including a stable career, a high level of education, a skillful profession, a high position in a government agency, a leadership or a decision-making post, a healthy body, the ability to take risks and challenges, and a strong sexual ability.

In addition, there are some popular standards for a 'true man' in Vietnamese society, such as the ability to support a family, earn enough money to raise his wife and children, and bear the responsibility of ancestor worship.

"These standards are too strict and get many men into trouble when it comes to meeting them," Hong said.

These demanding criteria stem from a widely held notion of men's role as the mainstay of Vietnamese families and society for thousands of years, she explained.

"This norm can be maintained as long as the man has always held a position endowed with more privileges and rights than those of the other genders," she added.

Dr. Hong revealed that in an earlier ISDS study of 8,424 people, including both men and women, it was found that men enjoy many more privileges than women, including better opportunities to gain experience, work, own assets, and take on duties in society.

The poor 'pillar'

The more expectations are imposed on men, the more pressure is placed on them, especially those whose abilities cannot meet these criteria.

"In our survey, nearly a quarter of them admitted that they face tremendous pressure in life," Hong said.

"More than 80 percent and nearly 70 percent of men feel overwhelmed by financial and professional burdens, respectively."

She is aware that many men are obsessed with the arduous responsibilities of both raising a family and trying to secure a social position.

The more competitive their lives become, the more stressed they feel, especially if they often compare themselves to others, the ISDS director said.

Given these strains, it is understandable that men, many of whom are young and living in urban cities, tend to suffer from negative emotions and feelings.

A growing number of urban men feel so lonely and disappointed that they sometimes resort to risky actions, Dr. Hong said.

"We found in our survey that three in one hundred men have suicidal intentions, which is three times more than women; more than 67 percent smoke regularly; and above 58 percent get drunk frequently," she elaborated.

In recent years, more than 80 percent of accidents were caused by men, with alcohol abuse being the main reason, she added.

Faced with this gender pressure, many men treat their wives badly to distract themselves from their psychological distress.

How to break away from the norms?

"In order to relieve men from onuses, I think we need to raise awareness of this problem through communication and education, both in families and in society," Hong suggested.

"Above all, we should adopt policies that enable women to share responsibilities with their husbands."

Hong said researchers like her are glad that their surveys show that many young men living in cities do not suffer from such pressures.

"They have been influenced by globalization through the Internet, travel experiences, and working in international environments, which makes their way of thinking freer and more comfortable from old norms," the gender equality expert explained.

She hopes that it is the group of 'non-norm men' who would set new and proper examples of the roles of women and men in today's fast-paced society.

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